Last year I was still in the midst of feeling sorry for myself for my failed marriage of ten years. My newfound love was being patient with me and told me that maybe I should go and talk to someone. I pondered the idea for a moment and decided against it. Talking to someone is not going to help me heal. I continued on with my self-pity instead. I was emotional, I would lash out at the silliest things. He would look at me with sadness in his eyes. He was trying to understand and help me, and I knew deep down inside I was overreacting but I couldn’t find a way to stop it. I was hurt and I was still mourning and felt no one understood. I should be over it by now. But why? Why should I be over it by now? I gave this man eleven years of my life and now I should just get over it?
One evening I was watching Netflix and I noticed an ad for a TV series. It was titled The Affair. It caught my attention and decided to start watching it. Although Alison Lockhart (one of the main characters in the series) was grieving the loss of a child I still felt I could relate to her. She was lost, trapped in her grief and I felt the same way. I too was trying to piece my life back together. Then the 2nd main character appeared in the show, Noah Solloway. He was a struggling author trying to write his second book. The affair between him and Alison began and Solloway started writing about his affair in his book and before long the words were just flowing onto the pages.
A light bulb went off in my head. An urge in my gut started to fester. I don’t need to talk to anyone, I thought to myself, I need to write. I grabbed a pen and paper and started to write my life, my marriage. Anything that came to my mind. There was no order at first. It was total chaos. I didn’t mind though, I knew I needed to purge it all out no matter how hard it was. After everything I needed to write was all out. I created a timeline and decided to make my writing into a book. Yes, my book is written as fiction but there are stories within my book that are my memories and just like The Affair, the memories are bias to my side of the story. Which ones are true and which ones are made up? Well I will leave that up to you to decide.